First Impressions of a Rookie Missionary Living in the Third-World.

Here is a small glimpse into my day to day, the observations I have made over our first year. Nothing deep, nothing spiritual. Just the facts ma'am.

To start I should mention that I had a major misunderstanding of “culture.” Everyone talks about culture and cross-cultural relationships prior to departure. To me culture was how to dress, what to eat and which holidays you celebrate. In my head it was basic traditions- easy. I've been shocked to find out how complex culture truly is. It has meant a completely different style of relating and at times, an entirely different moral compass.

Now for the random thoughts:

Hold on to your toddler while walking through town or you just might lose him to the open sewer.

Americans eat a ton of salt. We thought Aussie food was terrible until our tastes acclimated.

Speaking of acclimation, this desert girl almost waved her white flag and ran home in February and April when the humidity levels hit 96-99% every day. Brutal!

While learning to cross the road without crosswalks, Ethan noted just how realistic the game "Frogger" was.

Earthquakes are no big deal. We typically feel a couple each month and our biggest one was nearly 8.0. We are nerdy and like to see who can guess the most accurate magnitude.

Clean drinking water is a luxury.

You know you're halfway around the world when you tell people you are from America and they ask, “North or South?”

Denomination matters to Ni-Vanuatu. Entire islands are divided up based on where you attend church.

China is planning that massive-scale global takeover, in case you had any doubts.

I continually tell myself that I enjoy hanging my laundry on the line and hand washing dishes. I say it a few extra times when I have to run and grab nearly-dry clothes as a massive storm rolls in and demolishes my work.

The Ni-Vanuatu are EXTREMELY polite. They value relationship and courtesy over a straight answer. I asked a friend if I could buy her a pair of shoes and what size she wore. “Oh, same as you.” Looking down at her feet, this was clearly not so. Ordering lunch with friends is equally complicated. They will nonchalantly peruse the menu and then tell the waitress, “I'll have what she is having.”

When you don't monkey around with nature, everything is seasonal. Fruit you find in the market one month will be gone the next. There are currently no eggs because it's time for the chicks to hatch. Yes, inconvenient but does make you wonder.

Latte Day! Fresh milk is delivered to our house three times a week from the back of a pickup. We boil it for pasteurization and it makes a killer “cuppa” (as my new Aussie friends would say.) Makes my current distance from Starbucks less of an issue. 

“Taem blo spel,” a.k.a. siesta happens every day between 11:30-1:30. Don't plan on getting anything done, the town is shut down. Same applies to Saturday afternoons and all day Sunday.

Locals consult “clevers,” or witch doctors for various reasons. If they are looking for healing, looking for answers to a crime, wanting someone else's wife. SO sad.

Costco still has a big piece of my heart.

Lizards up my legs, cockroaches in my hair, millipedes in my bath towel, 8” centipedes in my sink, rats in my kitchen- normal.

Sunshine is God's disinfectant. It kills everything (bed bugs, mold, etc.)

I've got moldy clothes, moldy books, moldy Candyland, moldy electronics, moldy shoes, think I'll write me a song.

Forget “Hey you!” I much prefer the Ni-Vanuatu loud smooch if you want my attention. There's also the “SSHHHHH!” if your lips get too tickley trying to project your kiss.

Dear Tourists, you are visiting a third-world country. No they cannot accommodate your gluten-free diet.

The sound of flying foxes at night is straight out of a horror flick.

You can have a nice breeze or you can have internet. Never both...ever.

It's the little victories. When I bring home boxes of expired cereal we do a happy dance. It means the boxes I have had my eye on were finally marked down from $8 to $4.

If you see a cute baby make sure to give em' a smack on the cheek and drag your fingernails for good measure. Poor Daniel has had his fill.

Learning to ride bikes and tie shoes will have to wait, but boy they can sure climb trees!

Thankful for a stove. All of the women spend their day working jobs, collecting firewood and cooking 3 meals a day over a fire.

Trash fires took some getting used to, large plumes of smoke no longer alarm me.

I much prefer my weight in kilos. While on the subject, I very much wish that weight and age were taboo topics in Vanuatu...

You have permission to smack me if I ever complain about prices in America. Goods are triple the cost here in Vanuatu.

Bad news, we pay over $9/gallon for gas. Good news, it's a small island.

Living in the land of recalled and rejected Chinese goods makes Wal-Mart look like Saks Fifth Ave.

"Yes, he is tired. No, I cannot nurse him." If I had a dollar...

Go to Costco, buy 5 bags of chicken breast and a crate of broccoli. Eat them in my honor.

If you need the police, be prepared to pick them up. They are often out of gas. 

Thankful that Americans values the well-being of women and children.

Staring is socially acceptable and we are very interesting.

Imagine your life without any paper goods...no napkins, no kleenex, no paper towels, no t.p. Most locals go without. We spring for the t.p. 

Hoping to break my kids habit of clapping on 1 & 3!

No matter how trendy or healthy coconut oil may be, I am completely ruined for it. After driving past the copra processing factories and smelling the sickeningly sweet smoke, I can't touch the stuff.

Locals share everything. Possessions and money are to be shared, no questions asked. However, information and knowledge are fiercely guarded. Presents a problem when trying to stay in touch with local friends, they frequently give their cell phones away.

This is a small piece of my life overseas. So many of these things that shocked me a year ago are just part of the new normal.